A Series of Unfortunate Events

Hello! I have been laying off the blog since Thanksgiving, but not for lack of wanting to write. With apologies to Lemony Snicket, I've been the victim of a series of unfortunate events. Aside: Have you ever seen Lemony Snicket aka Daniel Handler in real life? Kind of what you'd expect based on the books:

So, funny in small does, but maybe not someone you'd want to accompany you on a cross-country trip. I'm sure you know people like this. Oh, let's be frank, I'm sure that at least one of you is thinking of me. Don't worry, I'm not offended. In fact, I'M thinking of YOU. 

Anyway, right after Thanksgiving, I had some plans for a few blog posts. Here is a sampling:

1. Fruit Turkey - The other room mom in the Baby's class made this for the class for Thanksgiving:

She made it just because she thought it would be fun to try! Sigh. Meanwhile, for the Baby's birthday celebration at school, I brought Publix muffins and some wrinkled napkins left over from the Girl's birthday. Just because I was feeling totally overwhelmed by life!

2. Fabulous Holiday Catalogs - Even when I was trying to be dark and brooding when I was 15, I was really entirely pink and green on the inside, which is why I love Vineyard Vines. I even love the  company's motto/circular logic problem that "every day should feel this good." I had some favorites from the holiday catalog this year:

I love Brendan's sweater because I had one that looked just like it in 1982, and mine had matching leg warmers. Also, if Brendan really is from Maine he should know that 1982 was also probably the last time anyone used a wooden lobster trap for anything other than a coffee table. He could totally sell that prop trap for $50. Seriously.

We get the Cabela's catalog because...I have no idea, unless it's to provide me with entertainment.

I literally love everything on this page. I love these little girls in their pink camouflage. I love the knotty pine cabin dollhouse. I love the Adventure Girlz dolls and their pink ATV playset. I mean, if the choices are dolls that camp, fish, and hunt and this:

I think that I'm going for the dolls that aren't wearing a nude and silver catsuit. Just incidentally, I think there is a real market for a doll that is somewhere in between J. Lo and Duck Dynasty. I'm holding out for a Nora Efron doll for my girls.

3. The Baby's Birthday - the Baby turned five and we had a lovely birthday party for her at Sensations Therafun.

Yes, it was lovely because I literally did nothing but show up with way too many snacks. Two 23 year old girls who were terribly hungover did everything else. I felt sorry for them until today when I realized that being hungover at age 23 was easier than day 18 of winter vacation with three children at age 40.

4.  Random Thoughts:

Basketball season is a blessed relief: Indoors, short games, one practice
per week, and I understand the important rules (off sides? infield fly rule?) 

Abe the Elf came back and was held hostage by the vicious
YoKids gang. 

We went overboard on another class gift. 

Abe left a message in flour like everyone on Pinterest says he should. 

But, you see, I didn't write any of those posts because of the first in the series of unfortunate events: I spilled a full glass of lemonade all over my laptop, thereby killing it nearly instantly.

Luckily for me, the death was nearly instantaneous. I had just enough time to email myself my most recent draft of the novel that I've been working on for 2 years. TWO YEARS! If you've read The Paris Wife you know that Hemingway's first wife left a draft of one of his books (I can't remember which one - the one about war or bullfighting or terrible people) on a train and he about killed her. That's sort of how I felt about the lemonade. Damn You, Lemonade! 

The direct results of the laptop getting soaked were twofold. First, I had to wrestle the children to use the desktop and since there are three of them and only one me, I usually lost. Thus, my screen time was severely limited. Second, when I did get on the computer, I worked on my novel like the hounds of the Baskervilles were nipping at my heels. Almost losing the novel made me realize how badly I needed to just finish the damn thing. I made the decision to not blog until I finished it. I just shoehorn this writing business into my free time, so I have to prioritize. Sadly, dinners don't just make themselves, nor does laundry fold itself, nor does fruit form itself into turkeys by itself.

So, even though I nearly had a heart attack over the laptop's death, and we had to shell out too much money during the holiday season for a new laptop, the end result was actually good. I finished a first draft of my novel and can get back to doing some other writing while I'm waiting for my readers' comments and suggestions for revising the novel. I have no idea whether the book is good. I like it, but I've been in the monkey house for a long time, so I wouldn't notice the smell. 

I did say that there were a series of unfortunate events, and the destroyed laptop is only one unfortunate event. Less unfortunate, but still preventing me from blogging or doing anything much productive is that the Girl and I welcomed 2014 by getting a stomach bug. She went down first and I came down with it a couple of days later. I lay in bed for two days watching back to back episodes of Renovation Realities on DIY. It may be my new favorite show. It's like the Universe of Evil version of Pinterest where all the projects go terribly awry and the only things that are guaranteed are shoddy electrical wiring and black mold. 

An additional unfortunate event that further stymying me from actually starting 2014 in any meaningful way is that the children are still home. They got two extra days of vacation because it is insanely cold in Atlanta. This morning when the Girl would have been leaving for school, it was 9 degrees. Okay, I know this is pretty balmy when compared with Minneapolis where it's currently something like -70, but for Atlanta 9 degrees is cold. There are scores of folks in the south who don't have heavy winter coats or any idea how to dress for cold weather. They weren't lucky enough to grow up in the frozen north like me. I mean, I owned a whale sweater with matching leg warmers (see above), so I obviously know from cold weather. 

Two more unfortunate events were that both the Baby and the Boy lost their winter coats at school. Literally, this never happened to me as a child. To date, the Boy has lost four coats. FOUR! In first grade he came home with a coat that was similar to his only in that it was the same color. So, I had to shell out for new coats for both of them because, well, it's 9 degrees and it would probably be illegal for them to be outside in their windbreakers. Luckily, we got this catalog:

I think this would be fetching on the Baby for a mere $1948.

The Boy is totally getting this hat. 

It's made of gyta (which appears to be a fiber optic cable), and
finn raccoon (this thing) and
is a true bargain at $1152.

 Oh how I've missed blogging! Happy 2014!