What You've Missed in the Winter Olympics

It's becoming increasingly clear that I can't keep writing long blog posts because, the time, she is short, so I am going to try something different. I am going to post more often, but with shorter posts. Because, honestly, sometimes these thoughts just pop into my head and I'd like to share them, but they're not long-post worthy. For example, here is what you are missing by not watching the Sochi Winter Olympics:

1. Henrik Harlaut (or as I like to call him, Stockholm's Most Wanted) - Have you all seen this guy?

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Don't let the waist-length dreads fool you, Henrik is a  Swedish Freestyle Skier who wears quadruple XL pants and coats to ski in, despite being 5'6" and 161 pounds. He was also skiing with a raw egg in his pocket for luck, which is pretty much the failing idea for that project where kids have to devise a way to protect an egg from breaking when you drop it off the top of a building. Henrik's pants were around his knees for the entire Freestyle Slopestyle (I'm sure I have the name wrong) competition, which seems like it would be a hinderance to walking, much less flipping in the air five times and landing backwards on your skis. Who knows, though, perhaps worrying about your pants falling off or an egg cracking in your pocket is just what you need to keep your mind off the fact that you could break your neck at any moment.

Henrik literally lost his pants in one of his falls:

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I asked the kids what they thought of Henrik's outfit, just in case I am too old to see the coolness, but the kids thought he was ridic, as well. And if looking silly wasn't enough of an embarrassment for Henrik, the Americans swept the Freestyle Slopestyle event and even wore proper-fitting ski pants. Go 'Merica!

2. Matryoshka - If you watched the Freestyle Slopestyle competition, you know that a gigantic Russian nesting doll is part of the course. She's fashionably dressed in ski attire, but surprisingly, if you open her up, a pack of stray dogs comes out. 

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3. Qualifying Rounds - Does anyone else get confused about when these races are actually happening? There are so many qualifying rounds that I can't even keep track of the real races. All of a sudden the commentator says, "and Germany gets another gold," and I didn't even realize that this was the race that counted. I've now decided that the qualifying rounds are a way to show how American athletes failed to reach the finals.

4. Olympic Sponsors - Who watches and dissects the Olympic sponsors? Only me, probably. McDonald's and Coke commercials are so ubiquitous, that you begin to understand why the U.S. hasn't won more medals. Also, Viagra is an Olympic sponsor, because...older men watch the Olympics, I guess? I left the family room to wash my eyes after Henrik's pants fell off and when I returned an attractive older gentleman was grooming a horse on television. "Humph," I thought, "I'd take the silver fox over Henrik any day." Then I realized it was a Viagra commercial. You know you're getting old when you find the actors in Viagra commercials more appealing than Olympic athletes. 

5. Johnny Weir's Clothes - Johnny Weir's clothes are the best non-sports thing at Sochi. His clothes are even more entertaining than Kate Hansen, the American luger who dances to Beyonce to warm up before events. You know that saying, "Dance like no one is watching?" Well, bless her heart, that's Kate. Aside: Know that I am not a dancer. In fact, the Baby and I took a Mommy and Me dance class when she was three and the teacher very sweetly complimented me on the Baby's dance abilities. "She didn't get it from me," I said, "I never took dance." The teacher just shook her head, "I know. I can tell." Okay, back to Johnny Weir's clothes. Take a look:

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That's Johnny with his co-commentator, Tara Lipinski ('member her?) and I don't know if they planned this, but they are very color coordinated and even have a bit of the same vibe going on. The juxtaposition of them posing in their very pastel outfits in front of the semi is pretty cool too.

Here's some more:

 

Still rocking the semi backdrop. Here he is with Tara again:

Some people are saying that Johnny is going all out (pun intended) because of Russia's anti-gay laws. I have no idea, but at least his clothes fit him!