May Madness

Literally Dozens of Loyal Readers: Where have you been? Where are these tips that you promised? We're waiting and we're a little disappointed in you.

Me: I'm so sorry. I know that the last you heard of me I was revealing the source of senior citizen vibrators and then I vanished off the face of the earth. The end of the school year and sports season hit last weekend with special intensity. Let's just say that you know that you're busy when you don't even have time to complain about how busy you are on Facebook.

Let me tell you about about my Sophie's Choice (writ much smaller and less dramatic) for last Saturday morning. The Girl had a soccer tournament about an hour away, with games on Saturday at 8 and 12:30. The Boy had a playoff game for baseball at 9 and the Baby had her ballet recital also at 9. The K coaches the Boy's team, so he had an easy time picking the baseball game. That left me with deciding whether I should force the Girl to drive to the tournament with a teammate or miss the Baby's first big girl dance recital. Tip: If you have to choose one child to disappoint, pick the one least likely to remember. So, Mom took the Baby to her recital.

They are measured for their costumes at the beginning of the year and she's grown two inches and gained five pounds since then, so that tutu is basically a very cute tourniquet.

Remember I said that the Girl's tournament was an hour away and her first game was at 8? Well, the significance of that is that we had to get up at 5:30 am on Saturday to get to the game on time. Gah! Nothing like spending an entire day so tired that you feel like you're hungover without the hazy drinking memories to show for it. The tournament was at Kell High School, which, in keeping with the proud Georgia tradition of just wholesale ripping off college mascots, is home of the longhorns:

It's also home to this scandal, which I didn't know about until I just Googled images for Kell High School. Tip: If you are a high school teacher, remember that being a teenager is hard enough as it is. Don't try to play grab ass with your students. On the face of things, Kell High School was just home to incorrectly spelled signs as the concession stand was offering "cappucino" and "no skate boards" were permitted in the courtyard. On the plus side, the concession stand was not selling any cwap.

By the time the Girl and her teammates finished up the first game at 9:00 am, we'd already been up for 3.5 hours, driven for an hour and played soccer for any hour. It was no surprise when, immediately upon leaving the field, one of the Girl's teammates asked, "can we go eat lunch now?" We made them wait until 11. The Girl's team lost both of their games on Saturday. The second one they lost 12-1, which could have been more like 30-1, except that the other team started doing passing drills because they were so far ahead. The Girl told me she heard the players yelling, "10 touches" (passing the ball at least ten times before shooting) and "don't score!" to each other. I'm torn with whether it's worse to run up the score or play keep-away with the ball in the backfield. Not to finish on a down note, the Girl played goalie in the first half of the second game and did a valiant job (IMO) at only allowing five goals when she was getting shot on pretty much nonstop.

Luckily for me, I was also able to follow the Boy's game on Game Changer. This is a great tool for parents in exactly my situation: you can't be at your kid's game, but you want to know how the team is doing. Game Changer allows you to follow the game, play by play, and keep track of the score. It's available for baseball, softball, and basketball. The main negative is that someone has to watch the game and tap in all the information. As long as you have someone who is able to pay attention for the whole game and knows the difference between left and right fields (i.e., not me), then you're set. It also keeps track of players' stats, and the K uses these when he makes game line-ups and assigns field positions. You also get a cool summary of the game:

Here are a couple of picture (not taken by me obviously) of the Boy in action:

Two things to observe: 1. Kid needs a haircut big time. The Boy is seven and has sideburns like Elvis during his bloated period. 2. Georgia clay does a number on white baseball pants. His team is in the league championship tonight and we're having a little party afterward. Let's hope for the Boy's sake it's a victory party. Go White Sox!

Even though I missed the Baby's recital, I went to her dress rehearsal and Mom was nice enough to video the actual performance, so thanks to technology I was almost able to be in three places at one time.

On Sunday we were supposed to have three soccer games, one for each kid. But, as has been the case this spring, the weather took care of all three. Unfortunately, we actually drove back up to Kell High School for the Girl's game because while it was pouring buckets of rain in Decatur, it was lightly drizzling in the Marietta area. Of course, by the time we got up there a thunderstorm had kicked up and we spent about an hour under the metal bleachers like a bunch of idiots until someone made us all sit in our cars for another hour. At that point the coaches decided to mutually forfeit the game and we trudged home in the monsoon-like weather.

This is the last week of school for the Boy and the Girl so we have lots of activities. I've already checked the Book Character Parade and the trip to the Spanish Restaurant off my list. The biggie is tomorrow's Moving Up Ceremony and Celebratory Picnic for the Girl. My go-to comparison for the end of school is that it's like being 9 months pregnant. You are so ready to be finished with being huge and uncomfortable that you're not even thinking about what comes next (i.e. having a screaming baby to care for/the kids being home for the summer).

I'm also attending all these last week events with the Baby, who has been my constant companion since her school finished last Friday.

Baby and her friend playing knights and
princesses on the last day of school.

She agreed to be my date to the picnic tomorrow, but only if she's allowed to get tattoos and her hair color sprayed. Wake me up when she turns 30.

My final tip of the post is this: Don't decide to give helpful tips every day when you know you'll be too busy to post. Duh.