Thursday, December 20, 2012

I Feel Fine

By the time you all read this, I may already be gone. Of course, so will you all if the Mayans are right. Nothing puts you in an apocalyptic frame of mind like listening to end of the world songs. Did you all know that there is a Wikipedia entry devoted to apocalyptic songs? Not to be confused with the more specific songs that are better for the zombie apocalypse which you can find here. That's a perfect example of a "distinction without a difference," as we said in law. If we're all annihilated, who cares if it's by zombies or meteors or Biblical prophesy?

I think my favorite apocalyptic song is "It's the End of the World as We Know it (and I Feel Fine)" by Athens, Georgia's own R.E.M. Did you all ever hear that the lyrics contain a reference to the University of Virginia? About 1 minute 20 seconds into the song, the official lyrics are: "Watch a heel, crush, crush/Uh-oh this means no fear, cavalier..." A law school friend of mine (and UVa alum) insisted that the real lyrics were a reference to the former UVa president, Robert O'Neil banning alcohol at fraternity rush parties back in 1985. So, the lyrics are, in fact, "Watch O'Neil crush rush/Uh-oh this means no beer, Cavalier..."

I'm going to admit to being a smidgen jealous if this turns out to be true because R.E.M. certainly had no songs about Rutgers, unless "You Can't Get There From Here" is a reference to the byzantine bus system at RU.

Sister went to UVa for law school and had a far more enjoyable law school experience than either the K or I did at our respective law schools. Did y'all know that at UVa law they have a themed party every single night for the entire month of February? When Sister was there one of the parties involved some epic beer pong contest, with a twist. One of Sister's classmates had no given middle name. So, the winner of beer pong got to bestow a middle name on no-middle-name guy. The winner chose the name "D'Brickashaw." So, no middle name guy went the next day and legally changed his name to Joe D'Brickashaw Smith, or whatever. (D'Brickashaw Ferguson was an offensive tackle for the University of Virginia at the time Sister was in school. I would go into how he got his name, but that may be too long a tangent, even for me. Read about it here.)

You know what we did at Emory law school parties? People got really, really drunk and made foolish decisions. That's it.

So, I figure that a lot of bloggers and websites will tell you what you should be doing before the world ends. But, I'm going to tell you what not to do on your last day on earth:

1. Clean the oven, or the fridge, or the toilets.
2. Get a colonoscopy.
3. Start a diet or skip dessert.
4. Stop sniffing glue:

5. Exercise.
6. Start reading "War and Peace." (Did you know that book is over 1,400 pages long??)
7. Make cookies that require the dough to sit in the refrigerator for 24 hours before baking.
8. Go to Utah. (That's my second Utah dig in this blog. I'm sure it's a great place, but I just remember seeing a bumper stick when I was young and impressionable that said, "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may be in Utah." My prejudice has been with me ever since.)
9. Go out to a bar in hopes of "meeting someone." That would be the beginning of the most depressing story ever. I'm sure Nicholas Sparks has written a book with that plot.
10. Write a really long blog post that most people won't get until the day of the apocalypse...Hey, wait a minute! See y'all...maybe!


  1. Replies
    1. Thank goodness we're all still here so you can host the Baby for reindeer making crafts!