How to Lose An Entire Week in Seven Days

On Thursdays, I often find myself wondering where the week has gone and why I have made no kind of forward progress on anything. At best, I'm in the same position as I was in at the beginning of the week, at worst I'm behind on even my most basic household chores and the children are eating pickles for breakfast because I have nothing else to feed them. This week was special because by Tuesday the week was already shot to hell. I sit here knowing that I will get nothing done this week. We will be one week closer to the girls' birthdays, one week closer to Thanksgiving, one week closer to Christmas, and I will have done nothing to prepare for any of this. I like to think this is because of matters outside of my control, but the truth is that I do plenty of procrastinating which doesn't help the situation.

Since the Internet loves lists, I thought I'd give you a step-by-step guide of how to lose a week in seven days. I fully expect that this list will be optioned as a rom-com starring Kate Hudson in the near future. Aside: Stranger things have happened! What to Expect When You're Expecting was made into a movie. If you're not familiar with the source material, What to Expect is a plot-less nonfiction book that guides pregnant women through all the shocking things happening to their bodies when they're pregnant, with exciting bonus features including everything that might go terribly wrong and kill them and/or their unborn child. Only Hollywood could turn this into a comedy starring Chris Rock. 

I had no desire to see this movie, so I don't actually know what is going on here, but I imagine it's a big
funny that dads go overboard in getting geared up for an outing with their babies. Because: Panic! Babies!
You know what? In real life dads don't take anything for outings with their kids:
Coats when it's 20 degrees? Snacks when they'll be out all day with no access to food?
A diaper bag for an infant? These are all silly luxuries that an overprotective mom packs
because she's too uptight. Dads just go with the flow, amiright?