My Phone Call with Dora the Explorer

How do you lose a pair of bright orange soccer shorts? Seriously. The Girl had to wear her "navy" soccer uniform on Saturday, which is a blue shirt, orange shorts, and blue socks. The shorts mysteriously disappeared sometime between their (alleged) placement in the laundry basket and the dryer. I's like to mention again that the shorts in question are bright orange and that since no one in the house went to Tennessee or Clemson, it's not like they're getting mixed up with the rest of our orange clothes.

Since I'm pretty much convinced at this point that Swiper the Fox from "Dora the Explorer" is behind the shorts caper, I pulled some strings and called up Dora, herself for some help. Here's how it went:

Me: Heeey, Dora.
Dora: Hola, soy Dora.
Me: Oh, yeah, sorry. Hola. Look, we're missing some orange soccer shorts and I think that Swiper might be responsible.
Dora: That sneaky fox is always trying to swipe our stuff. Did you try to say, "Swiper, no swiping," three times before he took them? For some reason that always stops him. Although, between you and me, there's no earthly reason for it to work.
Me: No, I didn't actually see him take them, which is kind of the problem.
Dora: Oh, I see. He's been seeking help for the kleptomania, you know. That whole episode when Santa put him on the naught list really shook him up.
Me: No, I didn't know. He always seems to be the same. You know, taking your stuff and throwing really far away. That must get really old after a while.
Dora: Preaching to the choir, Sister. It's just like every day, the same old shit. We have to go on some kind of mission, Map tells us where to go, and there are always two stops and then we get to our destination. The next day, it's pretty much the same deal.