Once in a Lifetime Offer! Act Now!

Free to a good home, one case of viral pneumonia. "But why?" you may ask, "Why would you want to part with such a well-known and impressive malady?" I'll tell you, in the last month we've had one case of strep and two cases of stomach flu, and I feel like we've been overly blessed in the childhood illness department. I'm just trying to share the wealth and to give you the chance to experience the joy that only a sick child can provide. Just think about all the fun you would be missing if you pass on this amazing opportunity: A hacking cough that frays your nerves, setting your alarm for 2:30 am to administer another dose of Motrin, and listening to hours on end of Bubble Guppies (they are mermaids of both sexes who have an airport for some fucking reason). Have you even tried to give cherry flavored Children's Tylenol to a kid with a raging fever who hates cherry flavoring? You will never forgive yourself if you passed up such a priceless moment.