Monday, December 17, 2012

You Get What you Get...

The kids have been writing and revising their Christmas wish lists, which is super inconvenient because changing their minds at this point is not an option. The Boy added "dart board" to his list yesterday which is too bad for him because the elves at Amazon can't get it to him before Christmas. You see, I'm still housebound with a sick kid and can't make it to the store. (Pink eye is truly the gift that keeps on giving. The Baby is the latest recipient.) So, at this point, whatever we've gotten, they are stuck with whether it's on version 86 of the list, or not.

Let's start with visuals of the Christmas Lists. Here is the list the Girl wrote a few days ago, starting with the addressee:

Santa Clause. Sigh. Guess who inherited the bad spelling gene from me? I'm guessing he's an independent clause, or maybe a relative clause.

Okay, in case you can't read it:

Hi Santa!,
I hope I've been very good this year. I'd like to list what I want for Christmas.
[Kindel] (sic)
[Ipod touch & headphones]
[Tickets to the curcis] (sic)
[at least $20]

I like that she gave him a dollar minimum, just so he'd know that she's not fooling around about the cash. I'm surprised that she didn't request certain denominations: "tens and twenties are preferable," or something like that. Speaking of money, I bet you're wondering why she has that orange pocket in the corner with the dollar bill sticking out. Read on:

The post script reads: PS I put a 1 dollar bill up in that corner! Just in case, you know haffta (sic) take Marta or whatever!

It's a little known fact that, on occasion, the reindeer go on strike and Santa is forced to take public transportation. Here's the photographic proof:

Looks like Santa may have hit the eggnog a little too hard. I'm trying to figure out what country this picture is from. The poster in the background looks like it may be in Cyrillic. So, perhaps it was the vodka that Santa may have hit a little too hard.

I thought it was a little strange for the Girl to ask Santa for at least $20, but then give him a $1 for Marta. Unfortunately for Santa, the price of a one way fare on Marta is $2.50. Maybe since he's already bringing her cash, he can just borrow a buck 50 to top off his fare card should it become necessary. Ever since the reindeer followed the elves and unionized, *shake head* sheesh!

The Girl recently added this appendix to the original letter:

Dear Santa,
I would like to add some thing to my list: A Penguin dream lite. Thanks!

But, since this was written, she's now switched to a turtle dream lite, which means I have to figure out what to do with the penguin one that's sitting in a box in the study/random and sundry junk room. Part of me wants to say, "penguin, turtle, what's the difference?" Obviously, one's a bird that doesn't fly and the other is a reptile that lays eggs in the sand. But, when it comes to dream lites (that's really the way they spell it) they're both un-cuddly, battery-filled contraptions that sit inertly and project colored stars on the ceiling. Who cares which animal is doing that? The Girl, clearly. Does anyone out there have a turtle dream lite that they want to swap for a penguin? Send me a comment and we can work out a deal.

She ends the addendum to the letter like this:

P.S. Tell me if i'm noddy or nice!

I just picture Santa nodding his head. Yes, you are noddy. Bless her heart. Spellcheck, Sweetie. 

Here is the Boy's letter:

Dear Santa,
I would like a dart Board, a Basket Ball Back Board, a dream Light penguin[,] iPod touch, a Globe, and you can give me a few random boy things.

First of all, he did not inherit the atrocious speller gene, although he may have inherited the Inappropriately Capitalized word Gene and the omitted commas gene. Otherwise, someone needs to tell me where to get a "dream light penguin iPod touch."

Second of all, you remember this is the child who charged a bazillion dollars (okay, $200+) on iTunes buying pretend football players? Where is his inquiry to Santa about his niceness or naughtiness? Nada. The Boy just assumes he's been good enough to get stuff, even if he's not technically "good." By the way, if your kid ever makes a bunch of in-app charges, call Apple. They refunded all of our money. Sadly, getting that taken care of was probably the highlight of the day on Friday.

So, also, what on earth are "random boy things?" Snips and snails and puppy dog tails? I know Santa was once a boy and familiar with random boy things, but I'm a middle-aged (owning it) woman who has no clue what this means. What do y'all think? Bucket of worms? Pile of ripped jeans and dirty socks? Freaking yogurt squeezer wrappers in my filing cabinet:

I mean, what is that? Who raised this child?

Thank goodness the Baby is too little to write anything but her name (sort of), so she could just tell me that she wants a Doodle Bear (hopefully less insane than Little Mommy Doctor Mommy Doll) and a new baby doll stroller because her old one broke. Done!

I can promise you that the kids are not getting everything on their lists (hint: no iPod Touch for anyone). And, they are getting some things that aren't on their lists. Santa has to make some on-the-fly changes when he's been taking sick elves to the doctor for the last two weeks. Santa may resort to cash as a stocking stuffer. At least $20, of course!


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  2. Good to know about Apple reversing charges. Sidekick bought a $20 bucket of magic coins! Darn you unprotected inapp charges!
    Random boy things: rocks, sticks and acorns. I have an entire collection on the top of my dryer.