Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Halloween Fatigue!

So, before I start trying to cheer everyone up, because, let's face it, today totally sucked for a lot of people, I'm going to repeat something that Sister shared on Facebook.  It's from one of New Jersey's greatest ambassadors, Bruce Springsteen:

Everything dies baby that's a fact
But maybe everything that dies someday comes back
Put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty,
and meet me tonight in Atlantic City.
My thoughts and prayers are with so many of my friends and family who live in the areas hit by Hurricane Sandy.

Okay, are you all so ready for Halloween tomorrow?  I am, and I tell you why.  We can finally be finished with the do-a-fall-thing-everyday-insanity that I began on October 1st.  Confession time: the last two days it's been really windy in the ATL and my fall-themed thing has been to keep fixing our Halloween decorations when they blow away.  This brings up another reason that Halloween can't come fast enough: all of our decorations are all falling down, ripping, and rotting.  I'll show you what we've got going on here:

Clearly, I need to call an exterminator for our spider problem.  I already had to toss a pumpkin (the Baby's "favorite" naturally) because it was turning black and slimy.  I realize that black and slimy is pretty on-target for the holiday, but even I have cleanliness standards.  You see that orange banner above the door?  Here's a better picture of it:

So, the K is 6 foot 3 and he basically garrotes himself when he walks into the porch.  Garroting is also pretty spot-on for the holiday, but it's not very hospitable as a general matter. I keep shoving sticks in the mortar between the bricks and tacking the flags up that way, but they keep blowing down.  Does anyone have a suggestion for me that doesn't involve the words "masonry bit?" See the Baby in the window?  She was home with a cold today.  More on that later.  I should have prettied up the porch a little before I took the picture, but it was cold and windy today and it was all I could do to run out, snap my crappy pictures, and run back into the house.

Next up outside is the source of all those spider webs:

This guy got blown off his web shortly after the picture and is now lying eight-legs-up on our porch.  I've officially given up on him until the wind dies down or November 1st rolls around, which ever comes first.

Inside, we have another infestation, rats (and possibly some possums):

These are from Martha Stewart's decorations line and I got them at Michael's. The kids keep moving them, which is why the two on the bottom are doing burpees or downward dog or something. Look at that big guy on the bottom step. Doesn't that one have to be a possum?    
Rats are just the most vile creatures.  I thought everyone felt the same way until a message came across one of my listservs.  A woman posted that she found an injured rat and she wanted to contact an animal rescue group to help rehabilitate the little fellow.  Shut the front door!  Seriously?! I'm sorry, someone feeding a rat with an eyedropper so that he can one day return to scavenging garbage and spreading the plague seems like a wasted effort at best.

We also have bats:

which keep curling up and falling off the mirrors.  They're from Martha, as well.  My cleaning people are incredibly patient with the props, although they practically chortled when I reminded them that the next time they come, all the decorations will be down.

So there you go, my scary Halloween decor.  I want it all gone, folks.  I'm ready for Thanksgiving because it means no nylon spider webs blowing across the front yard and no more pumpkin banner strangling my house guests.

Remember how I told you that the Baby was home from school with a cold?  So, since she wasn't really sick, she was up to all sorts of shenanigans. For instance, while I was working on the computer she kept coming up to me and poking me in the back.  It felt kind of nice, to be honest, so she did it for like five minutes before it occurred to me to look at what she was actually doing. When I turned and looked at the back of my t-shirt, I saw this:

This is when I wish I were a better photographer.  But, can you see it?  The Baby was stamping all over the back of my shirt.  Here's a close up:

If I don't miss my guess, that's an airplane, two speed limit signs, an ice cream sundae, some hearts, and an Easter egg.  Sigh.  I hope that Melissa & Doug aren't fooling when they say the ink is washable. Although, I suppose it's a good excuse to get some new workout clothes now that this one smells like sweat and negligent parenting. Happy Halloween everyone!

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