Since so many of you are riding out Hallowcane (that's halloween and hurricane) Sandy, I bet you missed the really big news of the weekend. Levi Johnston (of Sarah Palin and Playgirl fame) married his other baby mama (i.e. not Bristol Palin) and Us Magazine covered it in what had to be the saddest article about a wedding that I have ever read. The author, Allison Corneau's distain for the subject matter of her piece is truly palpable. It's as if she picked out the most outstandingly insane features of Levi's wedding to Sunny Oglesby just to create a subtext of imminent disaster. Rather than focus on Sunny's dress, which actually looks nice in the picture, she mentions the groom's attire which is described as "a Hugo Boss red label tuxedo, accessorized with a camouflage vest and bow tie." Do you think Levi thought if he wore camouflage Sunny might not find him? Can you find Levi in this picture?
We are also treated to this stunning visual, "Johnston is said to have sweated profusely during the event." That is just a sad, sad sentence. Taken out of context you might think "the event" referred to a hockey game or even a particularly vigorous muskox hunt. But, no, it's his wedding. Sunny, please don't clip this article and put it in your wedding scrapbook.
And there's more: "The nuptials took a light-hearted turn when the groom fumbled his vows and elicited chuckles from guests in attendance. 'To have and to hold, whatever you say.' Inside Edition reports Johnston as saying." By the way, I have a feeling the entire Us article was "researched" by watching the wedding coverage on Inside Edition.
The happy couple's one month old daughter, Breeze Beretta (named after the Italian firearms manufacturer, we are helpfully informed) was present at the wedding. However, Tripp, Levi's son with Bristol wasn't there because Levi told Bristol he wanted "custody" of Tripp, but didn't tell her why. Bristol said, 'nope' or the Alaskan equivalent which probably involves shooting a wolf from a helicopter and dropping it on Levi's head.
So, here is my question: what does it mean that I find the Us article to be highly entertaining (because, honestly that wedding sounds like...a lot) on the one hand and really sad on the other? You see, my guess is that Levi and Sunny thought that they'd let Inside Edition cover their wedding and it would be super cool and they'd get some nice pictures. Instead, Us Weekly gets ahold of the video and cherry picks the absolute worst, most dooming elements of the entire thing to write about. The article easily could have been about how amazing Sunny looks since she had a baby like six weeks ago, but instead it's Levi's sweaty camo tux. The wedding clearly had some tragicomedy elements, but the Us article does seem unnecessarily mean.
Do you think that this speaks to a larger issue (not to get all thinky and preachy)? Maybe this shows how city folk and country folk just don't understand each other. I imagine that the quirky weddings in the New York Times Vows column can sound just as weird to someone from rural Alaska (why are these people so old? why aren't they named after the weather?) as Levi and Sunny's wedding seems to us and Us. Is this what people mean when they say that the United States is divided? Is it the Levi Johnstons and Sunny Oglesbys versus the Miranda Kimballs and James Swaffields (I just honestly picked those names out of the NYT Sunday weddings)? Just something to ponder as we head into the election next week. Also, I didn't bake anything today or rearrange any furniture. Keep safe Sister, Cappy, Dad, Ellen, and all my friends and other family up and down the east coast.