Friday, May 31, 2013


Have you all seen J.C. Penney's Hitler tea kettle? Voila!

A picture of the kettle on a billboard in Southern California has left some drivers "steamed" because in glancing quickly up at the board, they thought for a moment that they were looking at a huge picture of the dictator's face, rather than a water-boiling vessel.

The article led to this exchange which appeared on my Facebook news feed among people I don't know, but would embrace if I ever meet them at a bad puns convention:

Speaking of dictators, I've spent the last two weeks with the cutest, tiniest dictator you could ever hope to meet. She's mostly a benevolent dictator, but she's got some crazy whims that she insists that you indulge or you will incur her wrath. I'm talking, of course, about the Baby. When I was pregnant with the Baby, people would tell me, "Oh, third children are so chill. They just go with the flow." (I talked to a lot of old surfers when I was pregnant, I guess.) Well, the Baby failed to get the memo because she was the opposite of chill. Much of it wasn't her fault because she had silent reflux and would spit up and then swallow the spit up, so she hated lying on her back. Her reaction was to cry and scream until I held her upright...all night. Good times.

Fast forward and we're currently deep in the freaking fours, which are like the terrible twos, only with better communication skills. The Baby inherited some of my most endearing qualities, including my tendency to be a control freak. This is manageable when you're an adult, but it's a major source of frustration for a kid. I try to allow her to have as much decision making power as possible, but sometimes it's not enough. The other day she was watching Bubble Guppies while I was "working" on the computer and she paused the television and ran over to me:

Baby: Mommy! This is a funny part of the show. You have to watch it.
Me: Okay.
Baby: Make it go back.
I rewind the program.
Baby: Okay, now STOP! Mommy, STOP!!!
Me: Is this right?
Baby: sighs It's okay....This is the funny part. Are you watching?
The Baby holds my face in her hands and holds it in place so she can be sure that I'm watching the television.
Me: That's very funny. You know, you don't have to hold my face. I'll still watch it.
Baby: Don't say, "that's very funny." You need to laugh. Laugh, Mommy.
Me: Ha, ha.
Baby: Really laugh, Mommy.
Me: Ha, ha, hee, hee, ha.
Baby: I don't think you really laughed, Mommy.
Me: Sometimes kids think things are funny that grown-ups don't find as funny. You probably wouldn't laugh at the things I find funny. It's okay, though, right?
Baby: But, this is funny.

You can see why her nickname is LD in our family, which stands for "Little Dictator." We just need to find her a country to rule. I understand that Venezuela may be available soon.

Yesterday, we went to Sensations Therafun, which is a very cool indoor playground that is designed especially for kids with sensory disorders, but it's fun for typical children, as well. In Georgia, where the summer means sweltering outside, this is a great place to run around without the possibility of heat stroke. There are bikes:

and a ball pit:

and a huge sports room:

and swings:

But the children's favorite activities is riding the zip-line:

We were lucky yesterday in that Sensations wasn't very crowded, so the kids got lots of turns on the zip line without having to wait in a not-so-zippy line. For a little while, the Baby was alternating turns with a five-year-old named Ben. It was just Ben and his mom at Sensations, so he was getting her enthusiastic and undivided attention. When Ben pushed off from the zip-line platform, his mom would proudly shout, "the he goes!" and Ben would fly through the air and land in the ball pit. After a few times, the Baby whispered to me, "I want you to say that when I go."

Me: What?
Baby: That.
Me: 'There he goes?'
Baby: She! There she goes.
Me: Okay.
Baby: But not until I'm about to go. Don't say it when I'm just climbing up there or after I'm in the air.
Me: Okay. 
Baby: You'll do it? 
Me: Of course.
Baby: Dubiously I'll tell you when to say it, so you'll know.

Somehow I managed to graduate from law school, but the Baby was doubtful that I'd get the timing right for saying, "There she goes!" when she launched off a zip-line. I would have been insulted if it weren't all so ridiculous.

Anyway, she climbed up to the platform and stood poised to fly through the air and cued me with a nod and a stage whisper, "Now, Mommy."

"There she goes!" I shouted as she flew through the air. 

I'm certain that someday J.C. Penney will make a ice cream scoop or slotted spoon in the image of the Baby.

Bonus! On the way home, we saw this: 

Try our new premun McWrap.
Do literally no McDonald's employees know how to spell "premium?" 

Tip: McDonald's Employees need to get a thesaurus and find a new word for premium. Choice? Prime? Select? Superior? All possibilities. 

1 comment:

  1. I think the McDonald's folks are merely thinking "OMG I'm advertising Mc Crap. Who cares?"