Friday, May 3, 2013

Garage Sale Friday

Seven months into blogging and this is the first time that I can't come up with a cohesive topic for a post, so I'm just posting some random things that I've screen grabbed and found on my camera. Consider this to be a garage sale post, where you might find some weird crappy things or a Picasso that's been hanging in some one's bathroom for 50 years. Let's all hope for more Picasso than crap.

I'm Confused

Former Girl Next Door, Holly Madison had a baby named Rainbow Aurora who is perfect, according to Holly. According to this picture from Us Weekly, she may also be a dog:

Oh, Holly, your baby has the glossiest coat! 

I know you might expect me to have some bon mots about the baby's name, and I hate to disappoint. Having been an avid viewer of both The Girls Next Door and Holly's spin-off Holly's World, I would have expected nothing less for Holly than: Weather + Disney = Baby Name. Other possibilities are Windy Belle and Summer Jasmine. If she had a boy I'm afraid he'd be Storm Gaston or something. Frankly, I was more surprised that Kendra has a baby named after the main character of King of the Hill. Her formula was Sports + Rock Star = Baby Name. Little Hank's name should be Lax Jagger or something. But then he'd be a sock:

Imagine my surprise upon Googling Lax Jagger to find this. I love the Internet.

Baby Pictures

I was downloading pictures on my phone the other day and found this:

and this:

and this:

and this:

 and this:
 and this:
and this:

So, either the baby took a massive number of selfies (this is just a small sample) to see her tongue after eating a blue push pop, or she's a giraffe and wanted to see her naturally blue tongue.

Facebook Knows Me So Well

I guess I'm just going to have to resign myself to the fact that Facebook watches me in my sleep. On the new profile pages, there are places to list books you've read, music you listen to, movies you've seen, and television shows that you watch. Ostensibly, it's to share with your interests with your friends and bond over your mutual  love of My Strange Addiction and Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. Of course it's all about trying to target advertisements to your interests. This seems like being flattered when your date asks you lots of questions about yourself, and then finding out he's used the information to steal your identity.  

Facebook actually suggested some things for me to add to my interest lists. Let's see how well Facebook knows me. First up, the biggest fail:

Literally, I have never heard of any of the first five musicians. After some checking, I discovered that Ruben Gomez was in Menudo. Ronan Keating is an Irish musician who also started out in a boy band called Boyzone. Daphne Tse is described as an easy listening, new age, and spiritual healing artist. I don't know what Incondicionalmente and Todo Por Luis Miguel do because all the music descriptions are in spanish and I just speak 'Merican. So, apparently Facebook thinks I'm into former boy banders, Spanish music, and the the music they play at spas. Also, possibly Bon Jovi, which you can just glimpse as my sixth choice. Even though I've never been a big Bon Jovi fan, at least the music is in English and demographically speaking, there's a good chance that someone growing up in New Jersey in the 1980s might like Bon Jovi. But since I'd never list Bon Jovi as one of my favorite bands, I'd have to give the algorithm a 0 out of 6 on it's guesses. 

Let's see the movies Facebook likes for me:

This just makes me angry. For the love of God, Titanic? Twilight? The Notebook? I avoid these movies like I avoid rabid skunks wearing suicide vests. Doomed love? Nothankyou. I have seen Pretty Woman  and the best thing I can say is that at least it has a happy-ish ending, what with Julia Roberts being saved from a life of hooking. Frankly, though, the best aspect of the film is the bad editing when she's eating breakfast. I love watching her pick apart the pancake and then stick a croissant in her mouth. Do these movies have anything in common with Avatar or The Lion King? I don't know because I've never seen them, but somehow I doubt it. Verdict: 0 out of 6.

Okay, magic algorithm, what television shows do I like?

Well, I've never seen Big Bang Theory or Walking Dead, but I've heard they're both great shows. I saw about 15 minutes total of the first season of The Voice, but only to see if CeeLo Green brought his parrot and to shake my head at XTina's outfits. Is SVU still on television? Same question for CSI. I did like Friends, but I haven't sat down and watched an episode in ten years. Verdict: 1 out of 6.

Okay, so far Facebook has me pegged as a fan of tragic love stories, Spanish music, former boy band members, and crime scene investigation. Not only do I not like these things, I'm not sure I would have anything in common with someone who did like these things.

Facebook's last hope is to figure out what I'm reading:

Okay, well now I just think Facebook assumes I have a mental disorder. Excuse me as I pick up my favorite bedside table book. Not sure if I'll go for the bondage sex book or the kid's book about the friendship between a pig and a spider. Please let's not group together childhood classics with desperate housewife porn literature. It makes me feel icky. I have read The Help and The Hunger Games and enjoyed them both. I have also read Charlotte's Web and Where the Sidewalk Ends, but not in about 30 years. I refuse to read either Twilight or Fifty Shades of Grey because I'm a judgmental snob. I also have a secret fear that I might enjoy both and then my snobby self would have to look down on my trashy-reading self and the last thing I need now to endure this internal struggle. Verdict: 2 out 6.

Atta Boy, Monkey

I saw this clip on the Soup and I seriously cried from laughing so hard. It's from a Ted Talk by Frans de Waal on whether animals have morals. You can see the whole talk here, but the best part is an experiment with capuchin monkeys. The set up is that two monkeys have to complete a task (handing a rock to the scientist) and they will be rewarded. The reward, however, is unequal. One monkey gets a cucumber and the other gets a grape. In the monkey world, apparently grapes are better than cucumbers. 

Now when my kids complain that some thing isn't fair, I'm going to tell them they're right, but that sometimes they'll be the monkey who gets cucumbers and sometimes they'll be the monkey who gets grapes.

Hope you all have a grape...I mean great weekend! 

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