Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Y'all Know What?

At the elementary school that the Girl and the Boy attend, they have show-and-tell for the Kindergarteners, but they call it "y'all know what?" This is in contrast to what we called show-and-tell in New Jersey, which was, "you's better listen up, or I'll smash your friggin' face!" So, how it works at the kids' school is that the sharer kid will say, "y'all know what?" and the rest of the class will say, "what?" And then the kid who's sharing will say, "I got carsick on the way back from the mall yesterday" or whatever seems like an event of note to a Kindergartener. In my experience, they mostly talk about farting and puking. That is why this scene in "Despicable Me" is so funny to kids:

Back when the Boy was in Kindergarten, I happened to be in his class one day when they were doing "y'all know what?" A boy I'll call Joey had just gotten back from a trip to California, so the teacher thought that he might have some fun things to share with the class. This is what he said:

Joey: Y'all know what?
Class: What?
Joey: My plane got stuck 'cause there was a motor problem and we sat on the runway.
Teacher: Oh, so you had a delay.
Joey: Yeah, that's why I was late for school.
Teacher: Wait, you were on the plane today?
Joey: I don't know what day it started, but we got off the plane today. It was called the 'red eyes' plane.

Joey, have you ever been in a cockpit before?

A lot of times I'll find something funny or interesting and wish that there was a grown-up version of "y'all know what" so that I can share my fascinating information without the burden of having to put it in context in a conversation. In fact, I mostly started this blog so that I could share the legend of the Kappa, the child-eating, cucumber-loving, compulsively-polite demon of Japanese mythology. 

Oh Mr. Kappa, you are so darling for a baby-eating monster
So, here we go...y'all know what?

1. Both folksy newsman Charles Kuralt and aviation hero and eugenics advocate Charles Lindbergh had secret second (and in the case of Lindberg third and fourth) families. For obvious reasons you don't find many famous women with secret families. The only one I can think of was WWII-era actress Loretta Young's secret love child with Clark Gable. Loretta Young hid her pregnancy, gave their daughter up for adoption, but then adopted the girl herself. Got that? Apparently, this was one of Hollywood's worst-kept secrets, primarily because the little girl was the spitting image of Gable, including the ears which she had pinned back when she was seven.

Judy Lewis, secret daughter of Clark Gable and Loretta Young.

Clark Gable. Yep.
As an aside, if you scroll through lots of pictures of Clark Gable he starts looking really creepy.

2. There was a sweet article in the New York Times about a library in New York City that lets children check out an American Girl Doll to play with at home. According to the piece, the kids who check out the AGD do so either because their parents can't afford to buy one, or because their parents object to dolls in general for "feminist reasons." I kind of think that if you refuse to buy your child a doll because of feminist principles and that child still wants to check one out of the library, you have already lost that battle.  

3. Barbara Walters, octogenarian news maven has chicken pox. Because she, like me, is Benjamin Buttoning illness. 

4. Don McLean, "American Pie" singer got a speeding ticket in Maine. Insert your own Chevy and levy joke here. Also, he looks like this now:

What song could he possibly be singing?

kind of like Geoffrey Rush and totally unrecognizable without patriotic paint on his thumb.

My parents totally had this album.

 5. A Guantanamo prisoner wrote the following note in 2010, "LeBron James is a very bad man. He should apologize to the city of Cleveland." This was in response to James leaving the Cavaliers for the Miami Heat. The note was classified by the FBI. I know this is supposed to make me feel irritated with the FBI, but it actually just makes me feel better about terrorists.

6. Snooki from "Jersey Shore" is selling "couture" purses, slippers, sunglasses, nail polish, perfume, and a stuffed crocodile (in small and large) on HSN:

This is what you're missing by not watching HSN
The models in that picture are valiantly trying to make marshmallow slippers and stuffed reptiles look sexy. Also, do you think anyone told Snooki that "couture" means one-of-a-kind? That's kinda the opposite of the deal at HSN. But, who has the last laugh? Snooki, who has a net worth of about $4 million according to Celebrity Net Worth, which is the same as Condoleezza Rice. Because that makes sense. I mean, Condi's couture line of barrier-breaking golf clubs did not sell nearly as well as Eau de Snooki.

How about y'all/yous? Any random factoids to share?

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