Friday, January 18, 2013

Funny Friday

Funny Friday is an attempt to organize this blog in some manner. Because goodness knows that my house isn't organized, so I might as well try to organize this blog. In my defense, I think my house would be organized if I lived alone. The problem is that I'll put everything away and then shit like this happens:

That's the rocking horse from the Baby's room. She needed it downstairs so that she could ride it while watching the Colorado dude ranch episode of "Fetch! With Ruff Ruffman." She also insisted on wearing a cowgirl costume to make the whole experience really authentic. I just thought, crap, instead of getting the peace and quiet that I deserve for allowing her to watch television, I am hauling rocking horses up and down the steps and rummaging through the dress-up clothes to come up with an acceptable cowgirl outfit.

Anyway, back to Funny Friday. This is going to be my Friday blog feature in which I will recap the top funniest things that I've come across during the week. These can be kid stories, funny news stories, funny emails, texts, whatever. So, toss back your Happy Hour cocktail and read on!

My Kids are Insane

As has been well documented in this blog and in their permanent school records, my children are crazy. This week I have a favorite story from each. First up is the first born: the Girl. If you live in the ATL you know that the weather this week has been rainy and generally crappy. Not only were we all trapped inside after school, but the kids had indoor P.E. all week at school. According to the Girl and the Boy this meant yoga in the classroom.

Me: Did they move the furniture to give you all more space?
Boy: Nah. I ended up under the teacher's desk and a plastic bin fell on my head.

Michelle Obama, do you see this? This is what we're up against when we try to physical fit our children.

But, I digress again. On Wednesday, which was the third day of rain, I took the kids to Leapin' Lizards (our local bounce house place) because I thought it might help to burn off some energy (most especially the Boy, because if he doesn't run around enough he has a tendency to tackle the Baby). You know that the flu germs are thick as a Four Seasons mattress around here so I had the kids wash their hands before we had a snack at LL. The Girl emerged from the bathroom with her nose all wrinkled. "It smells like salami and Tic Tacs in there." The Boy came up a minute later, having been to the men's room. "Doesn't it smell like salami and Tic Tacs in the bathroom?" the Girl asked him. "Oh yeah, totally," he responded, wiping his hands on his pants. Hmmmm.

This is what happens when you type "Tic Tacs and salami" into Google Images.

Next up, the Boy. On Sunday, he and his friend, Sam were doing some flirting with and sand throwing at the little first grade girl who lives in the house behind ours. She had a friend over, too and I kept going outside to scold the boys to stop throwing sand over the fence (especially as they were in our next-door neighbor's backyard and it was our neighbor's sand). As soon as I walked away one of the little girls would shout, "Boys! We're waiting for you!" Hrrrumph! I gave up, went inside and eventually the Boy came running up to explain that, "Fenelope and Ava were telling us to throw the sand at them."

Me: Who is "Fenelope?"
Boy: You know, Fenelope.
Me: Her name is Penelope.
Boy: It's spelled P-H-E-N-E-L-O-P-E. You pronounce "Ph" like F, Mom. Everyone knows that.
Me: It's spelled P-E-N-E-L-O-P-E. It's pronounced Pen-elope.
Boy: Well, I like Fenelope better. She's Fenelope.

Apologies to Penelope's parents. In our house she is now Fenelope.

Finally, the Baby told me about her dream on Monday night.

Baby: I had a dream that it was [the Girl]'s birthday.
Me: That's nice. Did we have a party?
Baby: Yes. And presents.
Me: What did she get?
Baby: What she really wanted: a set of yogurt.

Well, I guess it could have been a lint brush.

Funniest Email of the Week

Paper Source sent me an email advertising their Valentine's Gifts entitled, "We ♥ Hedgehogs & Macaroons." Me too. Sooooo much. I also ♥ Snow Leopards & Pencil Shavings. And I ♥ Vice Grips & Fiddleheads. I also ♥ that these couplings all sound like 1990's band names. Toad the Wet Sprocket anyone?

Funniest Video of the Week

You don't have to be a sports fan to find this hilarious. I know because I found it hilarious. 

Happy First Funny Friday!

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